Caught by anger

I hate my anger. I despise it. I don’t get along with it. So I don’t deal with it well.

Perhaps this is the reason I normalize my emotions. I don’t get too high or too low because I’m afraid of looking foolish in the high. Or I’m afraid of being too low.

But I’m really afraid of my anger. Not because I would hurt someone. It’s because the person I become when I get angry. I’m sure you feel the same way about your anger. But I’m talking about mine.

There’s just no need for it. I shut down. I isolate myself. Sometimes I put myself in the corner because I don’t want to fan that fire. I just want the fire extinguisher. I don’t want to go on with anger.

And I don’t know what the fix is. I know awareness is a first step. I say I want to be known.  Perhaps just typing about my anger will start a process to channel that energy better. I don’t want to be known about my anger. I want to be known as real. And real involves the garbage that needs to be eliminated. Today’s garbage is my anger.

So I will turn on the lights and drive out the darkness. What’s cool about the light is first, there’s no darkness. Second, is awareness.  The blind that asks to see must know she’s blind first. Then she can see.

And it’s not that I want to run away from anger. I don’t want it chasing me. I don’t want to be caught. Let anger bug someone else.

I don’t want control over my anger. I want it gone. I can do better.

Caught by anger

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